He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
