Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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