I'm eating all of the evidence.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
