My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
