I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
