We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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