yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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