I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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