So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
