Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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