I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My vagina just clenched in fear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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