he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
