i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
