Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
handjob tips. give me some.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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