I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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