the condom got lost in my hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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