Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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