It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
