Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
