just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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