ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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