OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
