Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
