3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
