im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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