I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
