You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
