She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
