"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
