Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
