Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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