shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
