the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
