She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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