Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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