She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
