im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
