Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
