You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
