the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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