He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
