Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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