Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
