Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
