Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
