this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
