apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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