who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
