she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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