matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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