I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
