Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
