I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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