Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
