i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
